One of our clients recently passed away unexpectedly and we found ourselves navigating grief in a very new way. We had been working together weekly for the last four years - and she was one of those clients (co-workers) who became a friend… she is deeply missed, by us, and I’m sure, by everyone who knew her.
Grief is such a big part of life; it is an emotion/an experience that is so difficult to navigate whether you are the person grieving or you are watching someone close to you go through the process. Grieving in private is difficult enough, but navigating your own grief or someone else’s grief in the workplace can be incredibly challenging - and something that we’re still dealing with here. Here are some insights and suggestions to help you and your team handle these situations in the healthiest way possible.
Signs that you or someone you work with is experiencing grief:
Fatigue-If one of your team members seems to be tired a lot, this can be a sign that grief is affecting their physical well-being as well as emotions.
Motivation-A colleague who is struggling with grief may find it very difficult to stay motivated to complete tasks.
Outlook-If you or a colleague is going through the stages of grief, you may find that your outlook and attitude on life and career may be more on the opposing side. The glass may appear half-empty, and it makes total sense.
Focus-When people are grieving, it is difficult to concentrate and be focused on work projects.
Mood swings-If you or someone you know is grieving, mood swings are common. You may feel super emotional one minute, or your colleague may exhibit extreme moods like anger, typically out of character.
Depression-It stands to reason that you might witness various signs of depression from a co-worker who is grieving. Many of the above symptoms are part of that. Still, you might also see a disconnect from interests, an unwillingness to participate, a lack of enthusiasm for projects, and of course, sadness.
If you see or experience these signs of grief, you and/or other individuals must get the support needed to grieve in the most healthy way possible while still maintaining some normalcy. Be sure to:
Offer a listening ear whenever possible. Don’t ask if they are okay because they aren’t; instead, ask if they would like to go for a walk, and if they talk great, and if they don’t, that is okay, too.
Take projects off their plate when you see they are struggling, but be careful not to take something away from them that might be holding them together. It might be better to take off little chunks to help them complete tasks and feel successful.
Don’t try to turn their negatives into positives. If their outlook is bad, let them have time to vent. Then present the facts in a neutral manner that doesn’t make them feel guilty for being human.
Invite them to participate even if you know they are going to say no. It still feels good to know people care and want you to be there even when you don’t feel like it.
If you are the boss, offer additional time off. Sometimes just knowing you have that extra support can be a game-changer.
Help them to take breaks by inviting them for a coffee break or snack break. Working for shorter bits of time can help them focus on tasks when they are working.
Give them grace when they break down in tears or have fits of anger. Remind them that they are only human, that there is no harm in that, and that you forgive them. Remind them that you are there for them and on their team.
How to cope at work when you are the one grieving
If you are grieving, sometimes work is the best thing for you. For others, it may be difficult to even get out of bed for a while. Whatever your reaction, make sure you honor and validate that reaction and give yourself what you need to manage the treacherous terrain of grief. Also, consider:
Work in small increments.
Turn down new, stressful projects even though you want a distraction (of course, you know yourself, it that is what you need to move forward then by all means.
Give yourself grace, and don’t beat yourself up when you lose your cool or have a meltdown.
Take days off when you need them.
Practice self-care, mentally and physically (try to exercise and eat healthy foods).
Be mindful of your physical health.
Ask for later start times or to leave early for a while. There will be many nights where you don’t sleep, and being able to come in late or go early will be critical to your wellness.
What to say
One of the most challenging aspects of grief is knowing what to say to someone who has experienced a loss! Sometimes we avoid saying anything or avoiding the person altogether, which can contribute to their feelings of isolation. That is the last thing we want. Instead, go up to them and say,
“I am so glad you are here. What can I do for you?”
“I heard about your loss, and I am so sorry. Is there anything I can do?”
“I can’t imagine how you must be feeling. I just want you to know I am here if you need someone to talk to or need anything at all.”
Grief is part of the human experience. We can’t avoid it, obviously, but it is one of those things that most of us are not particularly good at handling. Remembering to be compassionate with yourself and others will go a long way in helping others heal in their own time and own way. And, by putting yourself in another’s shoes and being prepared ahead of time, you can navigate these situations in kind and thoughtful ways.